What the Grinch Got Right
Thu Jan 4th 2007, 4:27pm
One thing I can't stand is
the noise, noise, noise, noise! Early Monday morning (yes, New Year's Day) at 2am, while sleepily playing with my recently- and rudely-awoken 17-month-old daughter, I was reminded of the fabulous Mr. Grinch story, where the Grinch, after so many years of torture, finally retaliates against the citizens of Who-ville in an attempt to have a quiet holiday season for once--one free from slamming car doors, car alarms, drunken bellows, and otherwise completely rude, inconsiderate, and obnoxious neighbors. Oh wait! I got that part mixed up: that was me! The Grinch only had to deal with kids playing with their new toys, the sounds of feasting, and a nauseating round or two of "Da-hoo doray, da-hoo doray!"
The Grinch hated Christmas!
The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be that his head wasn't screwed on quite right.
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were to tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.

Whatever the reason,
His heart or his shoes,
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the Whos,
Staring down from his cave with a sour, Grinchy frown
At the warm lighted windows below in their town.
For he knew every Who down in Who-ville beneath
Was busy now, hanging a mistleoe wreath.

"And they're hanging their stockings!" he snarled with a sneer.
"Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his grinch fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find a way to keep Christmas from coming!"
For, tomorrow, he knew...

...All the Who girls and boys
Would wake up bright and early. They'd rush for their toys!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
That's one thing he hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!

Mr. Grinch may eventually have learned to love Christmas, once he'd stolen all the toys and decorations and realized that the residents of Who-ville still felt inspired to celebrate Christmas, but I'd gladly take the Grinch up on a challenge: take the alcohol away from my ass-hat neighbors, and next year if they still feel the spirit of season enough to sing, bellow, and shout obscenities back at the unknown neighbor who called the cops on them (not me, but I certainly appreciate whoever did), then I'll gladly paint my face green, have them all over for supper, and I--yes, I myself--will carve up the roast beast.
You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch.
You really are a heel.
You're as cuddly as a cactus,
You're as charming as an eel.
Mr. Grinch.

Cuddly and charming maybe you're not, Mr. Grinch, but in a way, I do admire you.

Visitor comments
On Fri Jan 5th 2007, 11:04am, Will posted:
Nice... if you want me to talk to them next year, I'd be happy to. Never been punched by a drunken fool before.. sounds like fun :)

On Thu Jan 18th 2007, 11:41am, David Slazyk posted:
The saga continues eh'
What about putting them in the Grinch's sled, have his "reindeer" pull it to the top of the mountains just outside of Who-ville, untie the dog and PUSH! Problem solved AND as a bonus...more roast beast for you.

On Tue Feb 6th 2007, 8:35am, Alex Walker (alex@zetnet.net) posted:
Hi Steve

I've been using your tutorial as part of my practice at learning to subnet, as part of my MCSE training, after stumbling across it in google. Just a quick note to say thank you very much, as I've found it invaluable.

All the best.